apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
