You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Just invented taco cereal.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
