PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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