dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
