And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
