I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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