at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
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