Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
