I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
