South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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