u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
