good thing vaginas are great cup holders
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Just puked most of my soul out..
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
