do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
