The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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