My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
