In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
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my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
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Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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