Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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