We won't sleep together?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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