Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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