i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
