can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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