Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
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At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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