that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
