yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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