Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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