i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
All I want is dick and wine.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
