she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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