Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
