He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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