oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
