If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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