Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
