are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize