i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
