He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
