I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
