I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
