went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
