Can i not drive my cunt home
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
