btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
My liver is preforming stress tests.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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