Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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