i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
