so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
