I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
