dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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