why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
