I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
she pinky promised me she was 18
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Randomize
