You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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