he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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