the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
