I got chris browned last night
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
