Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
