if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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