yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
