i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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