I could make wine with my vomit
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
