no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
