Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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