he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
