He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
