chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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