Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
