And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
