I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize