hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
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Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
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the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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