He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm both gender and math confused
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
