Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You're breaking my sexual little heart
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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