Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
fuck your aforementioned shoe
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Randomize
