We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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