Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
