billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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