because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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