i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
