You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
