i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
