Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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