am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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