...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
