Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I said "one day" and that day is not today
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
