i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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