I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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