So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize