Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
