it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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