the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Hippo gnu deer
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
