There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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