I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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