was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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